I hate Religion, but love Jesus, and by religion I mean whatever it is you believe that I don’t like, and by Jesus I mean everything I believe. You see, I can feel really good about myself, and pretend I’m really deep and contemplative, if I call my belief system Jesus, instead of religion, and never really think about the fact that I just de-personed Christ, turning Him into some set of feel good beliefs.
I really enjoy dressing in expensive fashionable clothes, prancing around, while filmed by multiple cameras in front of impressive architecture, and spouting off my incredibly lame poetry in time to thematic music. I find this is a great medium for pointing out how you religious people are all about the externals, you hypocrites. You need “Jesus.”
Feeling holy by telling you my sins, I really, really need to make sure that you know I “was” a masturbator. Connecting with my Puritan roots, I preach my being freed of the evils of alcohol and soft drugs, while pointing out that you religious types called Jesus a drunkard. No, I don’t know what drunkard means and I’ve never quite understood the word “irony.”